i should be working (but i'm fixing my computer).

Microsoft AND Apple, combined, of course.

...

So, my wife and daughter buy a two-pack of iTouches.  This all came about because Palm apparently does not market an actual PDA that is not a phone anymore.  So, my wife's secretary decided that an iTouch would be the solution because it [allegedly] will synch with Outlook.

All went well until my wife asked me to load some of her music out of iTunes into her new iTouch.

Well, first off, I had uninstalled iTunes because according to my reading, the Bonjour service is not secure.  But, whether it is or is not, in the last version of iTunes I installed, the Bonjour service disabled my Windows XP shared drives, so the linux computer I use to actually play back my music library could not access the library.  As a result, MY ipod has been languishing partly updated for a lengthy period of time.

So began 12 hrs. of hell.  Because, naturally, everytime I actually use Windows, it  launches into catch-up mode and begins downloading many, many updates.  Which I allow because elsewise the computer will be severely insecure.

Then I had to reinstall iTunes.  But, lo and behold, (and why didn't I see this coming), iTunes would not, no matter what I did, see the iTouch.  Quite puzzling, especially as my daughter had already set it up via the iTunes on HER computer.  Say what?

Now, the desktop on which I run iTunes is old and dottering, which means everything takes forever on it.  My next research was that I should completely remove and reinstall iTunes.

Guess what.  No, that doesn't work.  So, I put iTunes on my Vista computer (which is actually my main linux computer, but also happens to have the original Vista still on it. ) Oh, guess what ... yes, many more update files to go here, as this computer has not actually been booted into Vista in a very long time.  And then install iTunes.

As it turned out, no problem in this install seeing the iTouch.  Small problem, though, the music collection is on a different computer.  And, iTouch could not access it.  Many gigs, I did not want to copy it.

More research.  Well, as it turns out if you push the buttons just the right way on the iTouch, you can get the Windows XP computer to see it.  Except, however, the article that told me how to do this did not quite give the complete story.  What you are doing is putting the ipod into "restore" mode -- which is to say, IT QUITS WORKING.  Yes, now the Windows XP iTunes will see it.  But, the iTouch no longer works unless you run "restore".

For our next surprise, for some reason iTunes would not properly connect iTouch restore.  I don't know why -- twice reinstalled, it ought to be functional.  So, back to the Vista computer to reload the software.  Yes, that worked.

But then again, problem not solved, so I went through the entire exercise a second time.  No, the XP machine has no intention of letting this iTouch on it.  If the iTouch has functional software, it can't see the iTouch.  If the iTouch is crippled, it can see it, but can reload the software.

Well, that sucks.  So, the only other option is to copy the music my wife wants on the iTouch from the XP computer to the Vista computer.  But of course, this ain't so easy, either.  Back when I was young and foolish, I set up the music folder as a briefcase from the XP computer to a second drive, for backup.  Now, linux accesses this "briefcase" folder just fine, because it just ignores the briefcase mode.  But NOT WINDOWS.  Now, windows has to spend eternity doing some unknown thing every time it tries to access the folder.  In fact, it simply crashes out explorer on the Vista machine.  So, I had to copy the files I wanted OUT OF the music archive/briefcase into a separate folder on the XP computer and then copy them a second time to actually get them onto the Vista computer.

Incredible, incredible waste of time.  Have you ever once successfully used the humor columns labeled "Help" from any of this software?  Apple is not about to tell you that it doesn't work, or when it doesn't work, or why it works on some computers but not on others.  Apple is also not about to provide a driver loader fix.  (Because btw, sometimes the iTouch will load as a "camera" -- in which case, the fix is easier, you go into the "camera" in the device manager and update the driver to the correct one that has been installed under System32/DriverUpdate or something like that.  But with my bad guessing, when iTunes tried to install the iTouch as a camera, I said, "no".  I figured I would end up with a unsolveable problem.

Then, when I found out you can cure the problem of the iTouch installing as a camera, I couldn't trigger the software to reinstall it that way.  (Nor any way.)

Well, so much for Valentine's Day.

Oh, BTW, the drive in my Vista machine has gone into permanent "what the hell is it doing" mode.  I thought I had that cured when I killed the paging file.

Moments later ... oh, it seems to finally have finished.